“Listen to me. You HAVE to decide what you believe to be the most important work in the world and then you have to DO THAT WORK. Because THIS is what happens. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. God shows up.”- Glennon Doyle- Melton
I am still recovering from yesterday’s drama. As a day among many other similar days, it still wasn’t the best example of my most shining moment as a parent. I might have been a bit too impatient- MIGHT have lost my cool and run out of a room. I might have had a mini adult tantrum.
In short, I might have failed a bit as a parent.
And so, when today arrived new and shining, I did what I always do. As daybreak dawned bright and new, I woke to the promise of another try. Another chance. A fresh beginning. I got up and faced the challenge.
I showed up.
This is important to remember: even after apologies have been offered and forgiveness is finally on the table, sometimes things don’t always work out perfectly- that is something I am learning.
But here’s what else I know to be true.
When we begin again and life still isn’t perfectly worked out- all the kinks haven’t been smoothed and all the creases haven’t been folded- sometimes a little bit of heaven shines through anyway and we are reminded of our purpose. Reminded why we are here and why we are still doing what we’re doing.
I walk into the school with the buses already lining up beside me, and I met immediately with a little girl whom I know and care for greatly. She and I- we just connect. I sense immediately that this little girl, like me, has started the day off with a bit of apprehension- maybe even a bit of fear: I can just feel it. And it doesn’t take very long for both of us to get to the heart of the matter, she and I. Talking about our STUFF, the things that weigh us down. She’s only eight, but she is oh, so wise. And I feel tears forming and love rising inside of me, even as I listen to her. I remind myself yet again: we are all in this together.
I walk into the office, and I find him sharing his little heart with anyone that will listen. And I feel compelled to leave my comfortable cocoon- the little space I am occupying this moment…leave it, so as to tell him that I have been there too- that I have stuff that holds me down, binds me up inside. I am not perfect either, Little Man. And as I tell him something that makes him laugh, I feel inside of me a weight lifting. It’s like my soul was a leaden balloon and he has just lifted a release to let it fly anyway. That laughter we share is freeing. I am being lifted once again by an eight-year old.
I stand in the hallway readying children for the buses. A little boy runs into my room and hands me a small green zombie head. “Mrs. Gard, I just want to give this to you,” he says exuberantly. I take the small offering, turning it over in my hand. “Why me?” I ask inquisitively.
“Because,” he says ( a shining light in his eyes), “You always let me come into your room.
I line up my own little class for the buses, and one of my dear little four turns his head in my direction. Before he makes the turn in the hallway to move out of my sight, he looks back at me and says, “Mrs. Gard, I love you!”
So this was my day…today.
We must all find our purpose in this life and that purpose must compel us to move forward, doing what we can and what we are able so as to live out our calling.
Someone recently told me that they didn’t know what their purpose was. This is hard, challenging work- figuring out our purpose. It is stretching, complicated stuff. And it always leaves us changed, different than we were before.
I think part of my purpose is to care about people. It is why I am here. And I find that the more I care, the more I am able to care. The more able I am to care, the better I get at it. The better I get at it, the more I feel challenged by it. The more challenged I am by this whole endeavor, the more soul-searching I must do to re-confirm that where I am RIGHT NOW is where I need to be.
I am where God has placed me to be in the larger scheme of life.
But I know all too well: caring for people is frustrating work. It is hard. And it often leaves us feeling a bit stripped of resources. A bit broken and vulnerable. But when we do care, in honest, authentic, open ways, we allow for opportunity so that others can then see us for who we really are, giving them hope in the process.
Caring is like that: it is attentive, connective and relational.
And while there are times when those relationships we nurture leave us raw and open, leave us feeling exposed. There are other times besides when we see growth. For in allowing fragility to act as a bridge for caring, we are then led down different paths and toward new horizons. To new opportunities of care. Led to other people who need our care, even but for a little while before we return our hearts again toward home.
Caring heals us,
From the inside out.
Our calling might be as different as our days are varied. But one thing is sure: we are called to care. And when we care for others, doing what we can in the little ways we are given, God gives us the strength to do the greater work He has for us. One little act of love at a time.
J Carlson says
As a teacher of young children and a mom, I look forward to reading your blog. This one was so real & true to me. Thanks for doing all that you do!
Luella Bredin says
I loved this story–it brought tears to my eyes-my dear, sweet daughter–so hard on yourself so many times. I have a dear friend-twenty some years older than I, and I have known her for years. She was on a high pedestal-I admired her so much and longed to be like her, but, she was so high above me. One week-end we had planned to stay with her and just shortly before we arrived, something traumatic and unexpected happened to her-she had not had time to get it all together. She was frustrated, angry, upset–all those tumultuous emotions and I saw it all. I did a lot of quiet listening–to my heroine, that week-end. Then we left and were gone for a week and stayed again on the next week-end before our return to Canada. She was “back to normal” and started to apologize for what she saw as her “bad behaviour” the previous week. I stopped her in her tracks and said, “I love you all the more because I now see you as a fellow human and not as a perfect woman I could not relate to. We have gone on to have a very special relationship and I think it began to grow when I saw her feet of clay, but, saw she did not want to be like that without thinking through and growing and being the woman God wanted her to be. Like you-like me-like all of us who want to be the woman God intends us to be. Love, Mom
As a student who really wanna be a teacher and then will be a mom, I have to read this post. Btw nice article as always :))))