I am.  An accident waiting for it to happen.  I also am a magnet for any kind of weird and crazy happenstance.  Take yesterday, for instance.

We were driving to Husband’s parent’s house, and as it was a beautiful day, I had my arm out the window.  For about two seconds, mind you.  And all of a sudden, something wet fell from the sky, something not considered rain. Just sayin’.  I looked at my Husband and I said, “I think a bird just pee’d on my arm.”  He just kept driving as things like this are not really surprising for him anymore.  So when we get there, I am doing my best to limit the use of that one arm with the contamination, and as I gingerly open the door with the other awkward arm, my daughter starts crying and complaining of being too tired to walk.  Something about being sick.  I can’t remember.  All I know is I tried to pick her up with that useless arm, and she had the nerve to ask me if I was using my “pee arm” to carry her.

Exactly what I was thinking: beggars can’t be choosers.

But I’ve gotta say, who else but me would have two run-ins with a bird within the course of a month? (note: blog entry about the bird pooping all over my house…)

On the other hand, I can’t count the number of times I have run into people at work with full glasses of water.  Thank goodness I don’t drink coffee at work, that’s all I have to say.  A week ago, I was coming down an empty hallway.  Everyone was in class as the lunch bell had already rung.  I left the class in the capable hands of my Educational Assistant only to escape the zoo for a minute or so to fetch myself a drink of water.  As I never remember my water bottle, I am forever carting around breakable glasses, so I was barrelling down the hallway with my glass of water, thinking to myself, “What would be the odds?”  I guess I should play the lottery more often because seems the odds are usually in my favour.  Just as I passed by the gym doors, I happened to see what looked like a human figure on the opposite side of that door.  But she looked like a blur, and I was going a wee bit too fast.  So just before I finally cleared the path of that door, she burst through it like a streak of lightening.  There was enough time for me to scream and the water to travel in a slow arc up over my head.

And that is the second time I have run into that particular teacher.

I have also reached a high point in my life where I must by necessity tell my legs to lift as I am going up the stairs.  It is a concerted, coordinating-effort on the part of my brain and my extended limbs.  Sometimes I think they are duking it out over who gets to choose their own way: feet get to pick first or brain.  And sometimes it’s neither.  That’s the point when I land on my face in the middle of a stairway, and the brain checks out of the game entirely.  Recently, I tripped going up the staircase at the end of the day, and happened to do so in front of the junior high wrestling team members that were visiting our school.  I near did a face plant on the top stair.  Thank goodness the boys were just visiting for the day. I’d like to think they will never remember the woman with the long curly hair that near killed herself in front of them.

I have so many, many other stories that span the course of my life that I look back on and cringe with horror.  “Did I really do that?” I ask myself, disbelievingly.

Sadly, yes I did do that.  And then some.

I remember years ago visiting my grandparents in New Brunswick.  The day I remember with horror was when I was outside playing in their yard which happened to be located at the top of a hill.  I was minding my own business when I discovered someone was calling me.  Or so I thought.  I thought that this same someone was waving for me to come join them down at the bottom of my grandparent’s yard.  I don’t know why I thought that…maybe it was the fact that there was only myself and the one other person (whom I did not know, by the way) on the top of that hill.  What would be the odds it was the other person being called?  But, I digress.  So, I waved,  and the person at the bottom called out for me to join them.  As I am also deaf, I started running towards the person, calling out, “What? What?” all the way.

Turns out they were calling to the other person on the hill.  I, feeling like a complete idiot, tried to save face by continuing to run past that person, all the while yelling and carrying on like there was another person calling to me from some farther distance.  Not sure if anyone was really ever convinced by that stunning attempt to garner an Oscar nomination.

I know I’ll never forget it.

I am glad we can all laugh about it at the end of the day.  Makes for a jolly good time for everyone.  If I wasn’t so accident prone, and my kids were not so gosh darned funny,  what a boring blog I would write.

It all happens for a reason, folks.